Life is fragile. So, so fragile. Life is precious. Life is full to the brim. Life is empty, like a hollowed-out tree. Life is a bubbly glass of champagne, until it goes flat the next morning. Life is fragile. Life is hardy, resilient. Life is a gift. There is no antonym for this one. Life is a precious, fragile, resilient, gift.

I was doing dishes as Micah struggled to reach a cup from the cupboard. With his arm lifted up towards it, I poked him in the underpit. He grinned, and wiggled, then asked me, "Can you get me that cup?" (still pointing)  I poked him a couple more times, then made him say please before handing it over. He ran around to the other side of the counter and proceeded to pour pineapple juice from the can into his cup. I watched him and was thinking something like, "Somebody's getting too big for their britches..." 

But then, he finished pouring and went towards dad's office, saying, "Dad usually likes to have the juice.." 

That floored me. It doesn't sound like much. But Micah really wanted to please dad. And it was a mini life lesson for me. Am I willing to give up my 'pineapple juice' to please my Father? The Christian life isn't just about don'ts. It's about doing things that will please God.

Great Books Paper III

Great Books Paper 3-Eusebius

The story of the Christian Martyrs, as related by Eusebius in 'The Church History'.

The Christian Martyrs played an enormous role in the history of the early church. As Christianity spread in the early years, the persecutions became more or less prevalent, largely depending on the emperor at the time. Eusebius focused on recording persecutions that took place during the second and third centuries A.D.


The Christians that were martyred were brave and triumphant during torture and their own deaths. They had a tremendous peace that was given to them by God. Blandina is a tremendous example of steadfastness and bravery, withstanding the gravest tortures. "Through Blandina, Christ proved that what men think lowly God deems worthy of great glory. When we were all afraid...Blandina was filled with such power that those who tortured her from morning to night grew exhausted and admitted that they were beaten, for they had nothing left to do to her. They were astounded that she was still alive, since her whole body was smashed and lacerated, and they claimed that any one of the tortures was enough to end life...But [Blandina] gained in strength while confessing the faith and found comfort for her sufferings by saying, 'I am a Christian, and nothing wicked happens among us.'" When Blandina was later killed in the stadium, after being whipped, exposed to wild beasts, burnt with a gridiron, and placed in a net to be thrown to a bull, "the heathens admitted that never before had a woman suffered so much so long."


Polycarp also provides a wonderful example of strength during martyrdom. At the old age of at least 86, he was arrested and put into the stadium to be forced to denounce Christ. As he entered, he and some other Christians heard a voice from heaven saying, "Be strong and play the man, Polycarp!" When Polycarp had come into the stadium, the proconsul "tried to dissuade him, saying, 'Respect your age! Swear by Caesars fortune! Recant and say, 'Away with the atheists!'' But Polycarp swept his hand across the crowd, sighed, and cried, 'Away with the atheists!' But the governor pressed him, saying, 'Take the oath and I will set you free. Curse Christ!' but Polycarp replied, 'For eighty-six years I have been his servant, and He has never done me wrong. How can I blaspheme my King who saved me?' "


We can also see in these two examples that the martyrs were focusing on Christ in their last moments, drawing on Him for strength and making sure that He never left their minds, allowing them to fall into denying Him. But just as importantly, they were fixing their minds on the resurrection to come. As Polycarp was placed on the pyre to be burnt, he prayed this prayer: "Oh Father of your beloved Son, Jesus Christ, through whom we know you, I bless you for this day and hour, that I may, with the martyrs, share in the cup of Christ for the resurrection to eternal life of both soul and body in the immortality of the Holy Spirit... I praise you for everything, I bless and glorify You through the eternal high priest, Jesus Christ, Your beloved Son, through whom be glory to You and the Holy Spirit, both now and in the ages to come. Amen." The Christian martyrs were so focused on the bodily resurrection that during the persecution in Gaul around 177, the persecutors exposed and insulted the dead martyrs' bodies, then burning them until they became nothing but ash and finally swept into the Rhone, so as to defeat the Christian's hope in the resurrection.


Eusebius quite naturally thought highly of the martyrs. He often wrote about the martyrs finding their 'glorious fulfillment,' in their martyrdom, or 'his glorious death,' indicating that this is something that every Christian can be proud to endure for Christ. He also looked favorably upon them because they were the representatives of the church, the Billy Grahams of their own era. Because of the Christians' everlasting hope in the resurrection and their devotion to a man who had been crucified two hundred years ago, they were instrumental in spreading the gospel through their examples of courage and steadfastness. Even today, their influence remains to those who read Eusebius's work, inspiring us to be like them if the need would ever arise.

"Be endlessly patient. There is nothing more impertinent than our crass infidelity in God. If He does not make us plowers and sowers and reapers all at once we lose faith in Him. Modern evangelism makes the mistake of thinking that a worker must plow his field, sow the seed, and reap the harvest in half an hour.....We are never the same after listening to the truth; we may forget it, but we will meet it again."

-Owsald Chambers

I love this. And it can be applied just as well to other areas of our lives than evangelism. We are always waiting on God. We cannot see how what we are doing now is paving the way to our future, but God holds it in His gentle hands, taking care of every detail.

I am more willing to believe and look a fool in this life than to disbelieve and look a fool in eternity.

[this is my heart]

Why must fear follow me everywhere, like a tiger waiting to pounce and kill? 
"Fear not, for I am with you." 

Lord, be with me always.
"I shall not leave you or forsake you." 

Lord, this hurts so bad. 
"My flame shall not hurt thee; I only design/ thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine."  

[come morning sun]

Last night, frustrated with myself and broken, I finally called out to God. I wrote in my journal, "He makes all things new." This morning, after three straight days of rain, I woke up to the most glorious sun streaming in my window, washing over the pear tree and backyard. I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and grabbed my camera, of course :) Less than five minutes later it was gone. It was such a wonderful confirmation of the words I wrote last night. 

"Let us begin from this moment to acknowledge Him in all our ways, and do everything, whatsoever we do, as service to Him and His glory, depending upon Him along for wisdom, and strength, and sweetness, and patience." -Hannah Whitall Smith

He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. -Isaiah 40:29

"The sun...in its full glory,
Either at rising or setting-this
And many other like blessings
 we enjoy daily;
And for the most of them,
Because they are so common,
Most men forget to
  pay their praises.
But let not us."
 -Izaak Walton

S.A.D.?

I'm sorry, but I think that having a singles awareness day is a little ridiculous. It's not a disease, people.
Here's the point I want to make: Singleness is just as much a gift from God as a godly relationship is, and you bet you can honor Him just as well in your single years. In fact, Paul says that we can focus more on God as a single person. I kind of view it as comparable to something my parents always used to say: If you want a different chore, you have to become diligent at this one first, before you move on and gain more responsibility. Use your single years productively, or you won't be ready for a relationship. Use them to serve others (great preparation for marriage) and become closer to God (indispensable preparation for marriage) Use them to perfect the skills that you will need as a spouse (for guys, getting a career, for girls, learning how to run a household effectively). Oh, yes, and learn to embrace your femininity and respect your body, because it does not belong to you, but to Christ and your future husband. Guys, become men and protect your eyes, because your future wife has every right to them. These years are a precious preparation time that God is giving you so that you don't have to learn it all on the spot. That would be extremely difficult. Don't waste your preparation time trying to jump into the job. That would be like going to college straight out of middle school instead of going to highschool first, or going to war without any training. In short, it's stoopid. ;)

[peace]

Fear. This is something that most of us experience, some more than others. Some of us carry it around with us, unable to shake it off. Some rarely experience it.

I can point to two times in my life when I have 'lived in fear.' This is a terrible, terrible, experience. The fear grips you and will not let go. It's lurking in the background all the time, jumping towards every sentence you hear, putting it's negative twist on it. It will not be reasoned with. It performs acrobatics in your mind, imbedding itself ever deeper, whether you choose to think about it or push it down, hoping it will go away. 

I got to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore. And then, I realized.... I don't have to carry this burden. So I gave my fear, my future to God. And He took the fear, the burden, the worry all away from me. 

The second time it only took me a couple of days before I realized what was going on and decided to give it to God again. He is so powerful, more powerful than fear, more powerful than Satan. I am stunned by the power that He has over fear, and so grateful for the ability we have to give it to Him. We don't have to languish under it, we have a choice. And I pray that next time I fear, His voice will tell me to give it to Him, right away. He gives me an unspeakable peace in the face of scary things. Praise His name!

"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28

This photo conveys peace to me because these people convey peace to me.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

[response paragraph]

This is my response paragraph for this week's assignment in Great Books. We're reading Josephus right now, The Jewish War. It's a really great book. Just a note: the Zealots was a gang of Jews that grabbed power in the city, and just went hog wild there. The atrocities that went on in there were soo bad, a lot of the Jews deserted to the Romans, gave themselves up as slaves to get away from what was going on in the city. The only problem with that is that you were risking your life just by trying to leave the city, if you were caught leaving, they would kill you and leave your body outside the city walls. It was a bloodbath, extreme internal dissension. 

{response paragraph}

I was really struck this week by the disintegration of things in Jerusalem. It was so easy, nobody resisted. I think there were many people who opposed it, but for some reason didn't do anything publicly. They just let it happen. They gave power to the evil men through "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." This quote is often attributed to Thomas Burke, but in reality the author is unknown. However, it very accurately describes the conditions there in Jerusalem. Ananus gives a very moving speech to the same affect, shortly after the Zealots seized the Temple, saying, "You are plundered without a protest, beaten without a murmur, witnesses of murder without one audible groan.....Wasn't it you who shut your eyes when the gang was first formed-a mere handful then-encouraged its growth by your silence, and by standing idly by while they were arming turned those arms against yourselves?.....you yourselves built every one of the steps by which these sacrilegious wretches have climbed so insolently; do not grumble if they have reached the top." What I've taken away from this? Don't stand by and watch evil form. Not in your country, not in your heart, your personal life. Don't feed a bad habit or a sinful activity by ignoring it. Deal with it, confess it, kill it.

My best friend and me.

[...]

...I've always heard the phrase, "count your blessings." And.. to be honest, that never really worked for me. It was just kinda like counting sheep.
I've found that I prefer to pick one particular blessing, and really think about how wonderfully fantastic it is, worked into my life for a specific purpose, by the One who loves me most. It really boggles your mind when you think about it. Seriously.

While I'm writing about halfway serious things, this is something I've been thinking about recently: God's plans are.. so not our plans. Like, at all. And that is such a good thing. Cause His plans are.. so amazing. And ours kind of stink, haha.

[experiment]

Soo.. a while ago I mentioned I was doing an experiment. You may or may not remember :) Anyway.. I did it.
The reason I started it is because Samantha and I had been working on a project all day, listening to music. I noticed later on that day that all the lyrics and melodies from the songs we'd been listening to for *hours* were floating around in my head. Some of them were ok, some of them were good, and some of them.. weren't so good. I got to thinking, "If I listened to good, solid Christian music only, maybe it would have the same effect. If I pound my brain with these wonderful lyrics, maybe they'll be what I'm thinking about instead of true love-turned breakup." Now I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with secular music. I just wanted to focus on some truly good music for a while. So I made a resolution to listen to only select Christian music for two weeks. That.. kinda didn't work. We went to TN the first week and of course the driver (my dad) had to listen to music all 24 hours of driving :) And it wasn't Christian music. So I just decided to extend my experiment. Which was fine, I'm not complaining at all :) It took about two weeks of truly listening to nothing but my selected music, but it worked!! I found myself singing hymns in the shower *cough* I mean around the house instead of secular music, and thinking more about the lyrics to the songs. Another motivation I had was I wanted to learn to enjoy them more. Because secular music is usually more attractive as far as the tunes/singers go to me. And that happened too!

But I have to admit... It feels good to be listening to some different music again :) I had gotten some new music right before I did the experiment, and of course I'm listening to the Phantom of the Opera :D

Soo.. there you has it. I would encourage you to do something like this!! It was a really good thing, I think.

[three thirty two-discontentment]

[three thirty two]
8.21.11

Something that creeps up on me so badly and so often is discontentment. Not as a whole attitude towards life, (such as my family, my position in life right now) but in small things, such as clothing and other 'stuff.' Yet these add up, if you let them. I have to remind myself, "If I'm not happy with the clothes that I have, I won't be happy with new ones." I need Jesus to be my all in all, to be the only thing I hunger and thirst for, to be my utmost joy.

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all

i wuv feavewws.

i walked the creek from the farm to our house today by myself, and I collected lots of feathers :) And.. I put them in my cap, *naturally*!! Haha I walked in and Josiah goes, "Why are there feathers in your hat?" and I said, "There are *feathers* in my hat?!?! Are you sure?" haha.

[three thirty]

[three thirty]
8.19.11

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.  It's terrible, but sometimes we really need to remind ourselves of this fact. We'll say it with our mouths, but our complaining attitudes will say the opposite. I don't want these tremendous truths written just on my hands, but on my heart. I want them to be evident through me.

[light at the end of the tunnel]

Times may be dark for some of you. But He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Trains are made to go somewhere, for a purpose. Tunnels are a necessary part of getting there. But they are not the end, and they are not the purpose. In the same way God has made us for purposes, and dark times are necessary parts of achieving that goal. But they are not the purpose and plan God has for your life. They are not unending. And there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, for those who persevere and honor the Lord in the hard times. 


"Those who honor me I will honor," 1 Samuel 2:30.

[sheltered?]

Last week when we were at my friends house, Alyssa said something that made me think. "Call it sheltered if you will, but it's a good thing."
And then I thought about what she said. Shelter is a good thing. Houses, clothing, hats, they all shelter us from something. How much more so the parents that shelter us from evil? Why is it that houses which shelter us from cold, wind, and rain are good things while parents that shelter us from bad influences are control freaks? Why is it that clothing that shields us from sun and thorns are good things while parents that shield us from the evil in the world are bad? Why is it that hats that protect our tender faces from the glaring heat of the day are good while parents that protect our innocence are bad? Why does our culture continually put young children out in the cold, the wind, the rain, and thorns of the world? We don't have to experience these things constantly to know that they exist.

[two sixty three]

Sometimes He's the only one who thinks you're worth it. The only one who thinks you're beautiful. But isn't that enough? He loves you. The Creator of the Universe loves you enough that He sent His Son to die for you. Why seek after the conditional love of man when we posses the unconditional love of Jehovah?

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16

[two sixty two]

A while ago on Flickr I mentioned that these are not the best years of my life by any means. I tried not to convey the idea that I don't love my life now, and I hope that I didn't. But I would like to clarify what I meant further.

Although my life right now is wonderful, and I feel so amazingly blessed, I have come to realize that with increased age come increased responsibilities. That's a bit of a no brainer. But the one that many people don't realize is that with increased responsibilities come increased blessings! So, when I say that these are not the best years of my life, I by no means intend to say that I don't enjoy my life right now, but simply that I look forward with anticipation to the life ahead of me, the responsibilities ahead of me, and the blessings ahead of me. I hope to "rejoice in suffering" (Romans 5:3) and "persevere in doing good."  (Romans 2:7)

Today I sat alone by the creek and read C.S. Lewis' book "The Four Loves."
It was amazing and peaceful. I think I might have even gotten a little bit burnt :)

I dabbled my toes in the water. I listened to the wind in the
trees and watched the ripples on the water.
I enjoyed God's creation. I thought. I wrote.

I didn't bring my tripod, so I set my camera on the
opposite bank and made a wild dash for this one.

[two sixty two]
6.7.11

Some random "Get to know Shaina" facts:
1. I very, very rarely turn music up louder than it needs to be for me to hear it above the surrounding noise. When the other noise dies down, I turn my music down. I am the only one in my family I think that does that... am I weird that way? 

2. I went on a run today and saw an amazing sunset. When I got home I grabbed my camera and drove to where it was but I was too late. 

3. I love it when my neighbor comes and drinks tea with us and speaks German with our houseguest. The amazing thing is I can really get the idea of what they're saying most of the time. It's so cool. 

4. I like cut off sleeves on t-shirts. :) 

5. I want to write but the words haven't been coming.

The end. :)

"Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends "You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another."
~C.S. Lewis

I just love this because.. it's so true. And it reminds me of my friends :)

[random thoughts]

[two fifty eight]
6.3.11

How can He rescue us if we won't let Him? What are friends for if not to care? Why am I surrounded by such beauty when others are in despair? How can I help?

 

Peace. The Great Conductor does not conduct aimlessly.

This set of photos is one of my favorites in a long time. I love the light and the subject. You?

[hair and grass]

 When Micah was small, he was deathly frightened of blades of grass and strands of hair. He didn't realize that they were what made up a lawn or a head of hair, and as he didn't know what they were, he was terribly scared of them. Eventually, of course, he got over his fear and doesn't like us to talk about it now, b/c he finds it embarrassing. Anyway, I was just thinking about that and it struck me that when we get to Heaven, our present fears and struggles will probably seem just as silly as being afraid of a blade of grass. It seemed like He was saying to me, "Don't look at the blade; look at the lawn. It is all part of My plan."

Brome grass! I love this stuff. I can't wait til it's tall enough for me to play
hide and seek with my friends :)

The garden smells sooo sweet because of these babies.

This reminds me of those midevil jester's collars. Hehe..

[two forty one]
5.17.11

This morning at breakfast we were watching the buzzards in the field behind our house, chasing each other away and really going after each other. Dad's comment? "They're not Christian buzzards. If they were, they would be treating each other with buzzardly love."  *cough* hehe.