quotes

 Papa John, working cattle: "I got poop on me! *high pitched* I'm gonna diiiie!"

 Mr. B, sitting on our sofa: "You'd have to have a seven foot femur for your feet to be on the ground and your back to be resting on the back of the sofa!" Hhahhahaha...

 Me, at the dinner table: "SLOW CHEWLY!!! 

....What have you guys done to my mind?!?!" 

Samantha, trying to put the hood back on Alyssa's coat: "It's been decapitated!" LOLS.... hahhhahaha. Best pun in a looong time, hahah.  

Me: "Do you know what the first of April is? April Fools Day!" 

Micah: "So that means we get to go to McDonalds and eat all the ice cream we want?!"

Me: "Umm....?"
Micah: "That's what a fool would do!" hahaha

"The Virgin Mary shows up to Constantine in a dream and says, "Um, Nicolas was right. He's my boy. You let him go, or else." 

"If this was a live class, I'd tell you that every time I say Athanasius, you have to say, "Whoohoo!""

"Arias probably made up little ditties to help people remember: "There was a time when Christ was not, my name is Arias and I'm pretty hot."" 

"And then there are the others who committed suicide for other reasons than mere...you know.. bummed out-ness with life." 

"God wins, you lose, good luck, bubba. Now the Christians were probably more charitable and gracious than that, they probably didn't say bubba... unless they said it in the original greek." 

"I'm beating my chest like a Christian." 

"There's a story that Nicolas so fed up with Arias's shenanigans, got tired of debating with words, and just stood up and decked him. Punched his lights out. Gives a whole new meaning to 'Santa Claus is coming to town, so you'd better watch out!' He's gonna find out who's orthodox and heretic."

"Mr. C, you are never sorry about your sidetracks, nor should you be, so just stop apologizing." -Zachary

"I'm going to take the opportunity that Zachary just offered me, and though he opened a small door, I'm going to drive a Mack truck through it."

"Yeah, sorry about that, Zachary. I should have told you to plug your ears before I said 'kindle'." 

"Where'd they get blenders back then? Oh, dont ask. Probably Bed, Bath & Beyond."

"Jonah's sulking because the Ninavites repented, darn it, God's not gonna destroy them, darn it."

"Hahahaha, it's just so hilarious...they riot over the word gourd!"

"Augustine and Jerome are texting each other on their blackberries probably called raspberries back then. 'Darn raspberries, keep getting out of range.' "

"Yeah, however you spell it.. its probably all kindsa ways."

"I never pay attention to what comes out of my mouth. I just start it, and then my brain goes somewhere else. My brain goes, "I'm going to starbucks, you're on your own!"

"Imagine you are, you know...you."

"Hortensius had a daughter that he homeschooled, named Hortensia...some called her Horty, others called her Tense. When she was mad. The guys she broke up with called her "Sia." (C-ya) Get it?"

(From Augustine's pear stealing past) "You could call it pear pressure'. Ahahahaha"
"Wasn't expecting to be pun-ished in that way, dad. I pear-ished inside." George

"Skinny jeans on Metrosexual worship leaders.NOO. Just...wear overalls. Or a robe!
Jackets and slacks....you know, comb your hair..no?...ooohkay."

"Monica doesn't have all her theological ducks in a row. She's a few fries short of a happy meal theologically. But shes a wonderful mother and Christian."

"So why do you guys have a different picture on the front of your book? Penguin upgraded? Darn their hides."

"How easy would it be to jump around in the Bible with a scroll? It's like 'wait, lemme unroll the right side while I roll up the left side!' Church would be chaos. Christians flip!"

"You're staring into the eyes of your love....and then they hold out a hanky and, 'HONK.' "